Alteration

It is nice to know that when you reflect upon your day that you are loved. If you really think about it, people show it. I am not talking about that gushing glow that is usually unmistakable in some dramatic flair. I am talking about the kind of human respect that is evident in a subtle and consistent smile.
My hope for this year (teacher time) is to spend much less time worrying and fretting. More time smiling. I am sorry to those who have had to listen to me spew negativity. Really, I mean it! Life is rushing by me so quickly that I don’t always have time to jump in and really feel it. I want to feel it like an icy river flowing over smooth stones, leading to the ocean.

Stipulation

To think that one person, of no relation, can attempt to tell me anything regarding how I live my life is absurd. Although, I am guilty of asking for advice on more than one occasion. So maybe it was what was said that bothers me more than the fact that anything was said at all. Are you still with me? We live and love. We act and react. We make choices. Yet validation is needed from those who have walked the earth longer than I have. We marry older men, who are then by such, wiser. We pair our selves with like minds but search for older advice. I can say one thing for sure. I'm in control.

Validation

I feel the pressure.
When you start something like this, you imagine self-expression at its simplest form. You, sitting in front of a computer, as your brain is gushing through your fingers. Now? Well, I know you are out there. Yes, I am talking to you... You know who you are. So, why read me? Maybe you want to know more about me. Or maybe you want to know all the things I think but never say. Either way, it is pressure. At least I can say that I have the same opportunity to read your thoughts. So, I should detach from the pressure and think that I do this because I can. Yet, we all look at our blogs to see if anyone has commented on it. Maybe it’s better than validation. Maybe it is motivation. Or maybe we still search for that connection to the world. I am.

Equalization

In life there are good moments when you can untouchably soar and there are moments in which you are lying at the bottom of a hole that you dug hopping that someone will walk by and push the dirt in on top of you. More often that not, we are somewhere in the middle. I think if we had those sorts of highs and lows our body would give out. But, I appreciate the fact that I can live my normal, typical, stationary life and that at any moment something utterly amazing could happen. Sometimes you can hope or predict events but you really don't know how the cards are going to fall until you go all in. I think the biggest part of life is playing the cards you have been dealt. I am not perfect. I will never be perfect. According to this equation, it is way to late for that. My guilt alone keeps that in the negative. Yet, don't we all strive for perfection? I have not yet begun to fight! Is it human nature to believe with our deepest guts, to hope, to pray, to think, no believe that we can be better. Those of you not striving for better --- Either you are lying (probably) or kudos to you for being at the point in your life where you are as good as you are ever going to be. Boy, that sounds boring. Or maybe, you have got some really great "Happy Pills".
So, here’s to making all three sides of the equilateral triangle work together...mind, body and soul in our eternal quest for balance.

Expectations

The tion that I feel today is one that I feel a lot. It is setting a standard of behavior or a bar to reach. The pull-up speaks to my life. If I meet expectations I can get my damn chin over the bar. I don't think that I have been able to do that since my freshman year of college. I prefer the type of bar that serves liquor. Then the bar is no longer my enemy but a comfort after a long day at work. So maybe it is all about perception. I can save that topic for another day.
Time is so important in our world. It seems as simple as the law of supply and demand. There is never enough supply of time to keep up with the demands of time in our work, family and lives. I know my cat understands it best. She knows that I will only be home for so long so she had better get the most of our time together by following me everywhere, including the bathroom. I have read that it is not quality time we should be worried about. It has to begin with quantity. If there is no quantity of time with people (or pets) then there will never be quality. Ok parents; spend more time with your kids. Bonding comes later. But really, I feel the pressure of expectations to be everywhere all the time for everyone. Then I always feel let down when people do not meet my expectations. It is likely that I set the bar too high. How many people do you know in your lives that can do a pull-up? Maybe that should be a pre-request. Then again, you can't choose who you are related to.
How do you deal?

An interesting attempt to anonymously uncover ones self

I wonder how many people live in an anonymous world. Every day I see and connect with people. I guess I consider my self a people person. That, in its self, doesn't make a whole lot of sense because all people are technically people. Then again, I have met people who seem sub-human on some level so I guess that saying means more to me than it should. I am a person of wonder and new with an old soul. Again, contradiction... I feel the need to be apart of the world. Do you ever think about how many people reach out to you for human contact on a daily basis? I want to touch and smell the world. But part of me, at some deeper level feels as though I have done all this before. So much is familiar in a way that is hard for my friends and family to understand. It is not that I know so much, because believe me, I have a lot to learn. It is that I have lived a life of appreciation and observation. Some times I surprise my self as my brain listens to my mouth. I think, how did I know that? Or where did that idea come from?... But shouldn't my brain be telling my mouth what to say instead of listening to it ramble? Sorry if I am confusing ( or rambling). I guess I feel like my mouth works faster than my brain. This is a dangerous thing in my profession.

So maybe this is why being anonymous gives you such a powerful feeling. My brain and fingers can go to town with no worries or fear. I can see a sense of safety in anonymous. Here is where I can share to be read or not. Responded to? Ignored? Laughed at? Laughed with? Maybe? But, for me, I will use it to think. I am not sure where I am going with this anonymous contribution to the world but yes, I will think and type. It will be my way of of being with out the seeing.